CIA CONFUSED SADDAM HUSSEIN WITH VIDAL SASSOON
Biggest Intel Goof Ever, Kay Tells Senate
Intercepted chatter that the Central Intelligence Agency thought was about Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein was actually about hairstyling wizard Vidal Sassoon, former weapons inspector David Kay told the Senate Armed Services Committee today.
Referring to classified transcripts that were used to justify going to war with Iraq, Mr. Kay told his Senate inquisitors, “Once you realize that they’re talking about a hair-salon pioneer and not a Middle Eastern madman, it really changes everything.”
Characterizing the Hussein-Sassoon mix-up as the “biggest intel goof ever,” Mr. Kay went on to say that Mr. Sassoon was not seeking weapons of mass destruction, but rather “lessons in mass production.”
“He felt that his line of shampoos, conditioners and styling mousses could be produced more efficiently,” Mr. Kay said.
While acknowledging that Mr. Sassoon was attempting to obtain chemical and biological agents, a red-faced Mr. Kay conceded, “That’s pretty much what shampoo is made of, when you stop and think about it.”
Intercepted chatter supposedly about germ warfare, Mr. Kay went on, was not about germ warfare at all but rather “Jhirmack Haircare,” a competitor of Mr. Sassoon’s.
While Mr. Kay resisted the temptation to draw too many conclusions about the appropriateness of U.S. military action in Iraq, he said, “There remains a troubling possibility that we invaded Iraq to prevent Vidal Sassoon from helping women restore body, luster and shine to even the most damaged hair.”
Mr. Kay concluded his testimony by revealing that it now appears that Saddam Hussein was not attempting to acquire WMD but may have logged onto WebMD, the popular medical-advice website.
That Jhirmack. I knew he was trouble.